here I am, again

okay, It has been 3 months until now. I guess I have adapted with the surrounding, the motion, the air, the tiredness, the teachers, my duty every morning, the best time to take shower, how to eat chicken wing with fork and spoon, how to eat the nasi with only your spoon, how to stay focus when you're sleepy, how to say you're happy eventhough you're not, how to choose the best person to express your feeling, how important it is to appreciate people around you and the most important is how to curi masa to get your work done.

April, was a big mess. I've turned everything upside down. I've ruined everything, my very own life, my very own feeling, and my very own confidence. Dare I say, my confidence now is somewhere in the scariest dungeon in the deep blue sea. My anger is like the larvae of the volcano that is ready to explode anytime. My eyes are like the super heavy cloud, ready to burst its content any minute. My emotions change constantly. But most of the time, they are the same. Upset. Depressed. Mad. Angry. I'm not tensed up because of the fact that I have to live independently, I'm getting used to it. It's hard to explain, harder to be understood.

Everytime they ask me, whether I'm okay or not, I started to feel guilty. It's wrong to say I'm okay, but I can't say I'm not. I'm confused, obviously. I don't know what should be done next. I don't know how to say I'm not feeling well in the best way.

Last week was rough. Everything is mixed up perfectly to make my day even worse. I took panadols everyday. I've cursed everyday. I've scolded, at least someone, everyday. Luckily, all the bad things turned okay when my sis is around. She is like the best shoulder to cry on. She gives me supports when I need some. She builds me up when I'm down. She always has the best words to make me feel better all over again. I'm glad, bloody glad.

All these things have made me a more patient human being. I am more soft-hearted than I am before. Everytime people have done something wrong, I tend to forgive them easily because I know, I've been in a worse situation, so what's the point of making a big fuss over a small thing. Insya-Allah, I'm learning from my mistakes. I want to change. I want to be more alert and aware on my words, my actions and my thoughts. I don't want those things to happen again. I want to remind my friends so they won't make the same mistakes like I did. I don't want them to feel what I've felt. I love my friends, I love my batch.

And plus, I want to say my most sincere apologise to every single human in the world. I know I've did wrong and I'm willing to change for better. Please forgive me, I've realised my mistakes and I won't repeat it again. I'll try my very best for it.



yeah another emo post, I bloody hope its gonna change after this.

with lots of hope,
mayah mino