The Engineered Reception Counter

Sometimes, well for my case, most of the times, we want to own every single thing that matter to us. Our favourite thing, favourite song, favourite apparels, favourite people, favourite food, favourite situations. But once we got a hold on those things, those people, placed in that very situation we await, we just don't seem to nurture it well enough. There'll always be regret and silly thoughts come rushing into our minds afterwards. Those flashes of things that we could have done, should have done, must have done.

But really, have we not actually done enough?

Well for me, I can never get enough of everything that has occurred in my life. 20 years standing on this very Earth, I can't seem to actually achieve what I really longed for. Well most of the times are because I never knew what I wanted in the first place. For some other times, when I'm actually able to grab those success or items that I wanted, there'll always be whispers questioning my ability and strength, also whether I truly deserve those opportunities that are laying upon my sight.

And this would result in either two paths, that I would actually prove those voices wrong and go on and work hard for what I wanted, or I'll just back down and watch other people attempting for the same goal. I have that black part of myself that believes "If you know you're gonna end up losing and beaten, why bother giving a shot?" I can actually realise that this whisper has began to fade out, but sometimes in means of being competitive, I rather pull off than being gambled by acknowledging the chances of failing.

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On the side note, for these past few years, I begin to realise the fact of the impermanence. Things are not meant to work forever, words are not going to hurt nor cheer forever, achievements and success are not going to last forever, attitude and behaviours are not going to be constant forever, and most importantly, people are not going to stay forever. Stay is not defined by the period of time, but the function of presence. Years of acquainting and knowing and understanding (ecehh) human beings and their nature of coming and going has actually created this 'counter' in my inner self, in which I should name "The Engineered Reception Counter" (?)

Well it works pretty much like the usual hotels' check in check out counter, except that it has a feature where you can actually estimate the height and width of the wall that you should build for each person that checks in and out. Well this measurement depends on how much has that person affects your life, level of closeness, and perhaps some additional details that could add in to the potential of attachment.

Funny thing, most of the people that I'm close with today have first started with a thought in my mind, saying "You and me my friend, would be good companies someday. You just see" and again for most cases, it happens. Some take longer time, longer as in years and months, and some happen very abruptly.

Gosh I could ramble on and on for hours, well maybe because in here nobody would actually ask you to stop lol. 'Till the next one.